


How Does Feelings?

by orphan_account



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-06
Updated: 2014-11-05
Packaged: 2018-02-24 07:48:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2573828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account





	1. Chapter 1

How Does Feelings?

Chapter One-Happy

1/6

“ _See I have a heart, Gavin. Unlike you.”_

_“Yeah, well I’m working on it.”_

**_ RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH- _ **

Gavin didn’t feel very well.

No, he wasn’t sick or under the weather, he meant that in a different way. He didn’t know how feelings worked. After problems with them when he was younger, he’d kept them muted for so long that he just stopped feeling them, mimicking the expressions of those around him to try and work out how they felt or reacted to something. But those feelings, emotions, whatever the hell they were, just weren’t present anymore or were at least hidden from him enough that he couldn’t tell they were there anymore.

He could copy expressions almost perfectly, putting them on like a mask when the situation called for it but he started to wonder what it actually felt like to be sad or happy or angry. He didn’t even remember anymore.

Until Dan moved to Texas.

**_ RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH- _ **

“It’s gonna be great, being room-mates,” Dan said with a smile on his face, carrying his bags into the apartment, Gavin following right behind with a large suitcase in his hand and a backpack over his shoulder, kicking the door of their new apartment shut. Dan had finished his term with the British army, being honourably discharged with recommendations for a security firm in Austin. And as luck would have it, with the new Roosterteeth office being in a slightly shady neighbourhood, when they applied to the same firm for some muscle, they just happened to get ex-Lance Corporal Daniel Gruchy.

“Yeah, it’ll be top. More slow mo guys, more British charm at Roosterteeth,” Gavin joked, carrying the bags to Dan’s room, putting them down.

“Also, less take out. I’ll die if I have to eat take away food every night,” Dan said, unpacking his things while Gavin sat on Dan’s bed, testing the springs before sprawling himself out on it.

“It means you’re cooking. I’ve burnt water before,” Gavin mentioned and Dan just laughed.

“I know, I was there and I _still_ don’t know how you managed,” the dark haired Brit replied, glancing over his shoulder at Gavin before going back to sorting his things. Gavin propped himself up on his elbows, looking over Dan. Watching Dan unpack his things, moving in with him after them being apart for so long...Gavin’s chest felt funny and he let out a little squeak.

“You alright, B?” Dan asked, looking over at his friend. Gavin just nodded, clearing his throat and wondering what was going on.

“Yeah, ‘m fine,” Gavin replied, “I’ve uh, I’ve got some work to do, so I’ll just be in the other room. Call if you need me,” Gavin said and Dan said something in response that Gavin didn’t catch, walking out and sitting on the couch, frowning as he rubbed at his chest. He decided to put it on the list of things he was too nervous to see a doctor about and pretend it never happened before he pulled out his laptop, typing out ideas for new Let’s Plays, hearing noises coming from Dan’s room, like he was singing and that funny feeling started up in his chest again. He rubbed at his chest, frowning again as an AIM popped up on his laptop from Michael about the last let’s play they recorded and that turned into a general chat.

_Michael_Jones: What do you mean your chest feels funny?_

_Gavin_Free: I don’t know. It’s this weird throbbing feeling and my heart feels like it’s getting squeezed every now and then. But it doesn’t hurt, it feels kind of nice._

_Michael_Jones: Sounds like you’re happy._

_Gavin_Free: That’s what that is?_

_Michael_Jones: You’ve never felt happy before?_

Gavin paused. Michael didn’t know about his...condition? Yeah, seemed like a ‘condition’, not knowing how to feel. Only Geoff knew about it.

_Gavin_Free: I was making a joke, you pleb :P_

Gavin said goodbye, signing out of AIM before getting back to work, shifting in his chair. Happy. He was happy right now. He was happy that Dan was living with him now. The only time he’d ever felt remotely happy was after that dumb trick shot video. After working so long, getting that shot made his chest lurch, forcing him out of his chair to leap onto Geoff. That had only lasted a half second, this had been going on for much longer.

He ignored the feeling, much like he’d been doing for the past 10 years, going back to work. He’d gotten through the second plan and design for a Let’s Play to run by Geoff when, speak of the devil, his phone started ringing, Geoff’s face on his screen.

“Hey, Geoffrey. What’s up?” Gavin asked, not looking away from his screen, holding his cell with his shoulder.

“ _Michael messaged me. Said you sounded a little weird. Everything alright, buddy?”_ Geoff asked and Gavin sighed.

“I mentioned having this weird feeling in my chest and I told him what it felt like. He tells me it’s me feeling ‘happy’,” Gavin explained the ‘symptoms’ and Geoff just listened, hming and ahing until Gavin was finished.

“ _Do you know what caused it?”_ Geoff asked. Being Gavin’s father figure, learning about his ‘condition’ pretty much forced him to try and help Gavin learn how to feel again. It didn’t sit well with him, knowing that Gavin never truly felt happy, as much as he pretended to be.

“I was watching Dan unpack. And I heard him sing in his room,” Gavin said, half paying attention as he tried to get a thought onto the document before it escaped him.

“ _It’s pretty obvious. You’re happy Dan’s here. Seems to be pretty strong if you can actually feel it,”_ Geoff mused and Gavin hummed quietly, frowning in thought as he let his fingers rest on the keyboard. Happy. It wasn’t an unpleasant feeling. Just odd.

“I’ll have to remember that,” Gavin replied, returning to his work and talking with Geoff about the new Let’s Play ideas, scheduling a time for them to design and build it properly before they said their goodbyes, Gavin hanging up the phone just as Dan walked out of his room with a smile on his face. Gavin briefly wondered if Dan felt a similar squeeze on his heart when he smiled like that before returning the smile out of habit.

“All unpacked?” Gavin asked as Dan flopped down onto the couch beside him.

“Yep. Just gotta wait for my first day of work. Get many aggros going to the office or am I gonna be bored out of my mind?” Dan asked and Gavin just shrugged.

“It’s usually pretty quiet but who knows. Might get some nutter wielding a knife to spice things up,” Gavin offered and Dan put his hands in front of him as if he were praying for that to happen.

“Oh well, if it does get boring, I could always come in and bother you lot. Should make you all happy, seeing my face around a little more,” Dan said, patting Gavin’s leg with a grin on his face before he walked off, saying something about organising a new car ‘cause he hated cabs.

“Yeah. Happy.”


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two-Jealousy

2/6

**_ RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH- _ **

Dan’s first day at work was...eventful.

As soon as he showed up, he was bombarded by greetings an hugs and questions about he and Gavin and the younger Brit left his friend to deal with it, going straight for the Achievement Hunter office and sitting himself down, ready to work.

“Hey Gav. Feeling better?” Michael asked, looking over at his friend. Gavin was confused for a moment before he remembered his talk with Michael the day before.

“Oh, yeah. Little too much redbull, I guess,” Gavin said with a reassuring grin, Michael nodding and returning it, not really looking convinced but finding no reason to question it any further. Gavin barely managed to get his headphones on before Geoff was AIMing him, asking if he’d felt that feeling again since they talked last.

Gavin had felt it. It was still a surprise every time there was that tugging in his chest, at one point in time making him cough, prompting Dan to come over and ask if he was okay. Gavin waved it off, pretending he’d choked on something but he was fine. He’d learnt to anticipate it, eventually getting used to the sensation until it became a little more muted, finally just becoming a faint tingling sensation in his chest that prompted him to smile. Usually it was triggered when Dan did something considered ‘nice’ like hand Gavin a cup of tea or when they sat down on the couch, legs tangled together because neither wanted to give up space. But the most common trigger was when Dan smiled at him a certain way, the one that made his brown eyes light up.

Gavin replied, explaining that it had lessened but he still felt it.

The room went quiet until the door opened again, revealing Ray and Dan, the smaller man with his arm around Dan’s waist and Dan’s arm around his shoulder. The reaction was instantaneous.

Gavin had a pen in his hand, writing something on a post it note and upon seeing them enter the room, there was this pressure in his chest, almost painful in its intensity and it took all of his restraint not to snarl at the two men, the effort causing the pen in his hand to snap in two, ink covering his hand and his desk. The Brit jumped up, wondering what the hell just happened before he started grabbing a cloth and trying to wipe up the mess while everyone looked on, Michael running out to grab some cleaning solution.

“Alright there, B?” Dan asked, letting go of Ray to help Gavin, taking his arm and leading him to the bathroom to try and wash the ink off, hoping it wouldn’t stain too badly.

“What just happened? Did the pen insult you or something?” Dan asked with a grin as he stood Gavin in front of the sink, grabbing some paper towels and running the water hot to try and wash off the ink. When he got the majority of the excess off, he ran his hands over Gavin’s, scrubbing at them, seemingly ignorant of the fact that Gavin was a grown up and was perfectly capable of washing his own hands.

But Gavin couldn’t seem to move away or verbalise that thought. Dan’s hands felt nice on his, soothing even. All that pain in his chest dissipated, letting him take a deep breath in and relax while Dan washed his hands, scrubbing at the blue ink until only the slightest tint to his skin remained and that would fade in a few days.

“Better. Can’t have you looking like a smurf now,” Dan said, looking at Gavin with a smile and there was that tingle in his chest, silently telling him to smile back because it felt nice when Dan smiled at him and you show that something feels nice by moving those facial muscles and smiling.

“No, ‘course not,” Gavin said, drying his hands off and thanking his best friend, leaving the bathroom and returning to the office while went off in search of Matt to get his assignments. When Gavin walked back in, someone had cleaned up his desk, leaving it in its regular state of disarray and less blue than he’d expected.

“Thanks guys,” Gavin said, sitting at his desk and trying to remember what he’d been working on before Ray and Dan had walk-...

There was that pain. What the bloody hell was that?

I felt like a combination of indigestion, nausea and like someone was trying to pull his heart out through his ribcage. It was definitely unpleasant. He liked ‘happy’ a lot more than he liked this. Gavin rubbed his chest, managing to send an AIM to Geoff, asking to talk outside and giving him a pleading look. The older man excused himself, saying he needed to have a super secret chat with Gavin and the others weren’t invited.

“Don’t touch tips without me,” Ray said automatically, not looking away from his screen and hearing his voice made the pain in Gavin’s chest far worse, nearly doubling over as he left the room, walking into the bathroom down the hall with Geoff following after.

“Fuck, Gavin, are you okay?” Geoff asked, seeing the pained expression on his friend’s face. Gavin took in strained breaths, shaking his head with an ‘Of course I’m not okay, you fucknut’ expression on his face.

“Jesus, just breathe Gavin,” he ordered, trying to keep his voice calm as he rubbed the younger man’s back. Gavin shot him an ‘I’m trying’ look before managing to relax enough, the pain fading and letting him breathe properly before sitting on the closed lid of the toilet.

“Care to explain what that was?” Gavin asked in a strained voice, fighting off the lingering nausea.

“I can’t tell you if I don’t know what it felt like,” Geoff replied, a mixture of concern and frustration on his face.

“It was like...someone shoved their hand down my throat, twisted my guts up and pulled _really bloody hard_ ,” Gavin explained, letting out one of those warning burps that told him he was disturbingly close to vomiting.

“And you felt that when you...?” Geoff asked, getting ready to leap into action if Gavin started blowing chunks, preferring them to end up in the toilet, rather than the floor in front of it.

“First when Ray and Dan walked in, then when I thought about them walking in. And it didn’t help when Ray talked just before we walked out,” Gavin grumbled, taking another deep breath, the pain returning, less severe this time but not by much. Geoff had to actually remind himself how that happened, remembering Ray with his arm around-...

“Shit. You were jealous,” Geoff worked out, the Brit burping again and looking up at his friend.

“ _That’s_ jealousy? Jesus Christ. And you wonder why I stopped letting myself feel this crap. This hurts,” Gavin said, finally regaining some of his colour. “What do you think I was jealous of?” Gavin asked, finally standing and not feeling like he was going to keel over.

“Best guess? You didn’t like how Ray was touching Dan,” Geoff suggested and Gavin frowned.

“How Ray was-...what am I? Dan’s overprotective boyfriend? We’re just mates, it doesn’t matter who touches him,” Gavin replied.

“Apparently it matters to that little part of your brain you’ve been ignoring for ten years,” Geoff countered with a shrug, leaving Gavin to stew in his own thoughts.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three-Fear

3/6

**_ RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH- _ **

It had been a few days since the ‘Jealousy Incident’ as Geoff liked to call it, not that Gavin wanted to call it anything because the sensation of having one’s intestines swished around in your abdomen and squeezed wasn’t something he wanted to remember for the rest of his life, let alone be familiar enough with it to give it a name.

Dan had been walking around the outside of the building during the day, a secondary security guard relieving him at night, just as they were shutting up the building, letting Gavin and Dan leave together. With Dan being away from their office, the occurrences of Ray, or anyone really, touching Dan became less and less common, the painful sensation of jealousy wore off, letting that light tingle of happiness take over when Dan met up with him before they went home for the night.

“Hey, who’s that?” Ray asked, prompting Gavin to look up from his work and out the window where Ray’s gaze was focused. He couldn’t get a clear view from so far away, getting up out of his desk chair and leaning against the window frame, watching Dan pace back and forth around the car park, a pair of men looking at him from the other side of their iron fence, saying something that Gavin couldn’t quite make out.

Dan glanced at their direction, pausing in his steps and replying back to them before continuing with his pacing, the expressions on the other men’s faces being ones of rage. They followed Dan along the length of the fence until they got to the partially open gate, left that way because people didn’t want to have to keep unlocking it to drive in. They walked onto the property, going right up to Dan, one shoving him while Dan just seemed to keep acting cool as the proverbial cucumber.

All the while, this unpleasant feeling coiled in Gavin’s gut like he’d just eaten a bunch of ice, save for the brainfreeze, making him want to move, to do something but also kept him frozen to the spot, unable to look away when the men started to shout at Dan, one throwing a punch that hit the brunette Brit in the jaw.

“Dan,” Gavin all but whispered, his voice strained and he felt his heart stop in his chest when Dan didn’t do anything back, just spoke to them and the men just got angrier, advancing on his friend again, this time, something silver glinting in the sun in one of their hands.

Then they lunged, one having his arm pulled, twisted up behind his back while Dan kicked the other one, forcing him to fall on his ass.

“Call the bloody cops!” Gavin shouted, the feeling in his chest finally unfreezing him from the floor, letting him turn and run out of the office and down the stairs, almost throwing himself at the front door to open in it. He stumbled a little, stopping and staring at what was in front of him.

Dan had his foot pressed against the throat of one of the blokes, the other in a rather firm headlock and looked about ready to pass out from how tight the hold was, the knife thrown uselessly across the car park. The dark haired Brit looked up from the men, seeing Gavin standing there with his hazel eyes wide and his face pale.

“B, get inside, now,” Dan ordered, almost harshly, his grip around the man’s neck tightening instinctively. Gavin couldn’t move, just letting himself get pulled back into the building by Geoff as a police car pulled up, two officers taking stock off what was going on and handcuffing the men that attacked Dan, getting them situated in the car while Gavin pulled himself from Geoff and ran over to Dan, hesitating a moment, unsure as to what he wanted to actually do.

“I’m fine B, no need to freak,” Dan said, wincing a little and bringing a hand to cup his jaw, working it while it grew redder and redder. It would probably form a rather nasty bruise. Gavin wanted to reassure himself that Dan was okay, so he wrapped his arms around Dan, almost crushing him in a hug. Dan was surprised for a moment, his arms raised, unsure about what was going on. Gavin didn’t normally hug. He wasn’t a huggy person. Wrestling, sure. Always on board, but this was a proper hug. He slowly wrapped his arms around Gavin’s waist, rubbing his back and saying he was fine.

“I’m sorry I worried you,” Dan said quietly, so just Gavin heard and the twisting feeling lessened the longer Dan had his arms around Gavin. So that was that sensation, like his insides froze in his gut. That made his throat close up and watch what was going on without being able to do anything.

“Please don’t do it again,” Gavin whispered in reply, never wanting to feel that almost painful, sickening sensation again but mostly because he didn’t want to see Dan get hurt. Then the police came over and the men separated, letting Dan explain to the police what had happened. Gavin didn’t want to leave Dan’s side just yet, afraid the feeling would come back if he walked off even though there was no danger present.

Then Dan, seeing that his friend was still a little upset while not pausing his story, reached his hand over a little and gave Gavin’s hand a small squeeze, releasing it but keeping a few fingers curled around the smaller man’s. The cops didn’t notice but the people standing at the door to the office did, Geoff in particular. Gavin relaxed, that lingering unpleasant feeling fading away until just the small tingle remained.

Later on, when everything was sorted and Dan got an icepack for his jaw, chatting with Kara as he stood at the door, wanting to watch the gate but not being able to refuse the blonde’s commanding tone when she said he needed ice for his face, Geoff pulled Gavin aside.

“What the hell was that? I’ve seen you do some dumb shit but this takes the cake,” Geoff reprimanded.

“I couldn’t just watch. I didn’t know what I was doing until you dragged me back into the building,” Gavin said, looking a little freaked out. He really had no idea what he was doing. He just started moving, his brain shutting down except for the part telling him he had to help Dan.

“He could have handled it, that’s why we hired him. There was no reason to rush off and risk getting yourself hurt because you were worried,” the older man whispered harshly. Gavin shut his mouth instantly. He had been worried for Dan. But when he worried he hoped someone was okay or tried to help them if something was wrong but he’d never felt that sick sensation before.

“Being worried never felt like that before,” Gavin said quietly and Geoff’s expression softened.

“You were scared. You were afraid something would happen to him because you care about him,” Geoff said, just about bowling Gavin over before walking off like he said nothing at all. Gavin just stood there, staring at the empty space Geoff had been, finally coming to his senses enough to look over at where Dan and Kara were, seeing her laugh at something he just said, that feeling of jealousy turning his stomach but then Dan turned and looked at him, waving and smiling. Gavin waved back, a dopey smile on his face because of the tingle in his chest.

He cared for Dan. He was having...feelings for him. Honest to god, feelings after ten years of just being an empty shell.

The icy feeling settled in his gut again.

He cared for Dan. And it scared him.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four-Butterflies

4/6

**_ RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH- _ **

Dan did indeed have a large and nasty looking bruise on his jaw for the next week or so, making Gavin’s insides twist uncomfortable every time he saw it. He knew, logically, that he wouldn’t have been able to help at all with him being near-useless in a fight but it didn’t stop that guilt from festering.

These feelings were getting ridiculous. How did people deal with them every day?

“We don’t feel them as strongly as you are, right now,” Geoff said as he made dinner at his house. Gavin always tried to come over for dinner at the Ramsey’s once a week since he moved out and since Dan lived with him, it only made sense bring him along, the ex-soldier outside, playing with Millie while Griffon hung out on the back porch.

“But you seem to always know what it is I’m feeling. Have you never felt it that strongly?” Gavin asked, helping Geoff by peeling vegetables and trying not to peel his skin off on accident. Again. Geoff frowned in thought for a moment.

“Everything feels stronger when you’re younger, it’s just a matter of time until you get used to the feelings and they’re not as powerful anymore. You remember having these emotions when you were a kid, right? Does stuff like ‘excitement’ or ‘guilt’ knock you on your ass? I’d imagine not because you’ve expressed those feelings around us a lot,” Geoff explained while Gavin listened. “There are just these gaps in your emotional inventory because you just never let yourself feel them. You actively avoid going to the doctor to check on things even though you should ‘cause you’re ignoring those feelings of fear. You never committed to anyone enough to feel jealousy and you’ve always avoided being happy because you didn’t want to risk it being taken away. Now it’s coming back to bite you in the ass,” Geoff finished his explanation.

“And they decide to start working now?” Gavin asked.

“Your brain decided to stop being an emotionless jackass? Your off switch got flicked on during one of your dumb wrestling matches with Michael? I think it’s because of him,” Geoff said, pointing out the kitchen window at Dan who had Millie in his arms, spinning her around like an airplane. Gavin followed his gaze, seeing Dan and frowning.

“What? Dan? It’s not like he’s new in my life or anything. We’ve known each other since high school. Why would my...’condition’ change ‘cause of him?” Gavin asked, chopping up the vegetables and getting them ready to cook.

“Because. You’re spending more time with him. Instead of being focused on shooting videos, you’re actually letting yourself focus on him and how you react to things he does or things people do to him. And it’s about time too,” Geoff said, putting the meat on the tray and putting it in the oven.

“Because I care about him?” Gavin asked as if trying to confirm it.

“Because you care about him,” Geoff repeated, washing his hands and giving Gavin a pat on the shoulder, the Brit nodding in understanding before realising Geoff just used the pat as an excuse to dry his hands with his shirt, letting out a noise of indignation.

“Hey B? Think we could get a bandaid?” Dan asked, sticking his head in the back door of the house.

“Did Millie hurt herself?” Geoff asked, grabbing the first aid kit from the cupboard above the sink and rummaging in it for a bandaid.

“No, I stabbed myself with a stick,” Dan said, showing a scrape on his arm. It was bleeding quite a bit not enough to panic.

“Jesus Dan. You’ve had enough things stuck in you, do you really need more?” Gavin admonished, grabbing a plaster and a tissue from Geoff before going up to Dan, wiping the blood off of his arm, ripping off the wrapper and putting it on Dan’s arm himself because of the awkward spot it was in.

“Aw, thanks B. Wanna kiss it better?” Dan teased, holding his arm up with a little sad pout. Without thinking, Gavin wrapped his fingers around Dan’s arm to hold it steady and pressed his lips against the bandaid in a quick, half-second kiss before going back to what he was doing.

He didn’t notice the slightly shocked stares from Geoff and Dan at the action as he threw out the bandaid wrapped and washed his hands, going back to helping prepare dinner. Dan looked at Geoff questioningly and the older man shook his head shrugged as if to say ‘I dunno’ and went back to cooking as well. Dan stared at Gavin for a little longer, hand rubbing over the bandaid, his arm tingling a little from the feel of Gavin’s lips against it. He shook his head and said a quick bye, running back out to play with Millie some more.

“Dude. What the fuck?” Geoff asked and Gavin looked up at him with confusion before his eyes went wide and he pointed to the back door. Then touched his own lips, then pointed to the back door again.

“I-“

“Yeah.”

“And he-“

“Looked just as freaked as you do,” Geoff said and Gavin looked like his head was about to explode.

“You don’t think-“

“No, I don’t think he realises you like him,” Geoff interrupted and Gavin’s eyes widened more, if it was possible.

“ _Since when do I like him!?_ ” He squeaked. “I thought I ‘cared about him’,” Gavin said, looking a little panicked.

“’Care about’ as in ‘like’. Hell no are you getting such strong emotions just from him being your friend. Or else you would have been doing back when you first worked for Achievement Hunter,” Geoff said with a chuckle. “You have a thing for him,” he concluded simply, looking at Gavin and worrying a little that he was going to faint right there.

“Dude, breathe. You’ll be fine. You have a crush on Dan like the rest of the internet does,” Geoff joked and Gavin just sat down on one of the kitchen island stools, head cradled in his hands as he just shut down. Geoff opened his mouth to say something supportive, just for Dan to come in again, this time followed by Millie and Griffon.

“Is uh...Gav are you okay?” Dan asked, walking over to his friend and put a gentle hand on his shoulder, just for the smaller Brit to let his head drop onto the kitchen counter with a groan. Dan looked rather worried, silently asking Geoff if everything was okay.

“No, actually. He’s feeling sick. You should help him to the guest room. You know, help him feel a bit better,” Geoff prompted, fixing Gavin with a teasing look. Gavin looked like he just wanted to strangle his friend but the feeling of Dan’s arm slipping around his shoulders, gently prompting him to stand up before leading him to the guest room shut him up real quick.

“If you were feeling sick we could have stayed home you dope,” Dan gently admonished, leading Gavin over to the guest bed and sitting him down and Gavin did nothing to stop him, still completely dumbstruck by this warm, tingling feeling in his chest. This was far stronger than that tingle of happiness he got when Dan looked at him. No, this was like bubbles in his chest, like something was actually hugging his heart inside his chest.

“I felt fine when we left,” Gavin said, not quite playing along with Geoff’s lie but not quite denying it either, liking the way Dan rested a hand on his chest to nudge him down until he was lying down on the bed. Dan placed a hand on Gavin’s forehead, checking his temperature and the blush that coloured the smaller Brit’s face was enough to fool him into thinking he had a slight fever.

“I can’t really tell. Here, stay still,” Dan said, leaning forward and pressing his lips to Gavin’s forehead as a way of checking his temperature a little better but it just forced Gavin to blush much more, making Dan pull back with a worried frown. The contact made Gavin’s stomach churn, flipping like a pancake, enough to make him need to vomit. He jumped off of the bed, rushing to the bathroom and dropping to his knees by the toilet and losing everything he’d ever eaten in one go.

“Jesus B. We should have just stayed home if you’re feeling this awful,” Dan said, kneeling beside Gavin and rubbing his back comfortingly, just making Gavin’s stomach do a triple front flip and made him vomit more.

“Yeah, we’re going home. You’re in no condition to be here, B,” Dan said quietly, running his fingers through Gavin’s hair soothingly, making sure he was absolutely done before telling him he’d be right back and vanished for a little bit while Gavin felt the churning fade away. He let out a relieved sigh, then the approaching footsteps made it come back until he looked up and realised it was Geoff.

“The butterflies made you throw up? You’ve got it fucking bad, Gavin,” Geoff mused, leaning against the bathroom doorframe.

“He kissed my forehead, of course I’m gonna bloody freak a little,” Gavin defended himself.

“’Freaking out’ and ‘throwing up’ aren’t the same thing, kiddo,” Geoff said. “Dan’s coming back with a drink for you and then I’m sending you home with him. He’s really worried,” the older man said as if there was more to it that he wasn’t going to say. Mostly because Dan had rushed back with a glass of water for Gavin to clean out his mouth with, just walking out to leave the two men be.

“Here, wash your mouth out and we’ll go home, yeah? We’ll put on the tele and I’ll make you some soup and see if you can keep that down,” Dan suggested with a smile and Gavin felt his stomach lurch and his chest tingled and his breath stopped in his chest. Dan’s smile, that tiny little smile he gave Gavin was _literally_ breathtaking.

Gavin turned to the toilet and vomited again, while Dan rubbed his back and spoke softly to him.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five- Love

5/6

**_ RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH- _ **

When Dan got Gavin back home, he immediately ordered him to go to bed.

“I’m making you soup and we’ll sit in your room and watch tv. Go take a shower and get changed,” he commanded and Gavin couldn’t find it in him to argue, the vomiting episode taking a lot out of him. He immediately went into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him and letting himself breathe. The flipping feeling in his stomach and chest had lessened a little but he still felt nauseous.

He stripped down and got into the shower, letting the hot water run over him and hopefully calm him down a little bit. But being in the shower always left him alone with his thoughts. Those same thoughts that were turning his stomach.

Did he really like Dan? Did Dan maybe like him back? That forehead kiss wasn’t exactly something mates do on a regular basis, even if one were sick. It was like something a parent or a...a lover might do.

A shiver ran up the Brit’s spine before he got himself clean, walking out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist as he searched in his cupboards for something comfortable to get dressed in. A knock at the door signalled Dan’s approach, opening the door and walking in with a tray, carrying two bowls of soup and two cups of tea with a smile on his face.

”Hey. Get dressed already. Can’t have you getting worse, can we?” Dan said with that wide smile on his face and Gavin remembered his state of undress, his cheeks flushing. The sandy haired Brit held onto the tie in his towel while he grabbed the nearest set of clothes he could, rushing back into the bathroom while Dan set up, not seeing the way Dan looked at him, the smile softening from that dopey grin into something more...affectionate.

“So did you want something in particular, B? ‘Cause otherwise, I’m picking that Dead Silence film,” Dan said, hearing a mumble of assent coming from the bathroom. Gavin was far too busy getting dressed and fighting off a blush to pay even the slightest bit of attention to what Dan suggested they watch.

When he came out of the bathroom, he was wearing a pair of grey sweats and a too-big black t-shirt, shuffling out to see Dan was no longer in his room, the soup and tea sitting on the bedside table. Gavin instantly tensed up. Had he realised Gavin wasn’t actually sick? That the reason he was acting so strangely was because he might have feelings for him?

The panic was immediately stopped when Dan returned, holding up a movie with a grin on his face, the tingle setting in once more.

“Found it. I know it’s not the greatest movie of all time but it’s good to have in the background,” Dan rambled as he put in the DVD and Gavin couldn’t help but look at his rather attractive behind while he was bent over, messing about with the DVD player.

“Gav? You okay?” Dan asked, turning around and Gavin was so focused on the way Dan’s body moved, he barely registered the question but Dan just kept going. “Of course you’re not. You spent the last hour puking your guts out. Here, come on,” the ex-soldier said, leading Gavin over to the bed, sitting on one side, tugging gently on Gavin’s arm so he fell onto the bed. He eventually righted himself so he was sitting beside Dan, a bowl of pumpkin soup being handed to him. Dan actually remembered his favourite kind of soup.

“Eat up. I want you looking less pale as quick as possible,” Dan said, eating some of his own. Gavin managed to get down quite a bit of his food before focusing on the movie. Then realising that that was a terrible idea.

Dummies were creepy as fuck and a movie about a dummy that kills you, carves up your face like a jack-o-lantern wasn’t helping with Gavin’s mistrust towards the hunks of wood and plastic. Dan took the little bit of soup left when Gavin nearly spilt it on himself from jumping at the film, putting his own bowl down as well and nestling back into the pillows, completely unaffected by the movie. Gavin jumped, closing his eyes and covering them for good measure every now and then and during a particularly scary part, he almost jumped off of the bed when a warm arm draped over his shoulder, giving his own arm a light squeeze.

“You wanna turn it off, Gav? We can watch something else if you’d like,” Dan asked, sounding sincere, not teasing Gavin for his reactions at all. Gavin just shook his head, the fear being overtaken by the warmth running through him, spreading from where Dan’s arm touched him. He shifted a little closer, Dan keeping his arm around Gavin’s shoulders, either not realising he was doing it or just not minding in the slightest while he gently ran his fingers up and down Gavin’s arm.

When a particularly jarring scene in the movie played out, Gavin’s hand immediately reaching out to clutch at Dan’s shirt and barely managing to keep from hiding his face in Dan’s shoulder. Dan didn’t say anything, just tightened his grip around Gavin’s shoulders, his free hand stroking the underside of the wrist with the white-knuckled grip on his t-shirt. Gavin immediately felt less afraid of the movie but the thoughts invading his mind scared him more than the fucking ventriloquist dummy every could.

Was he being nice? Was he using the movie as an excuse to have Gavin cuddle up to him? Did he just want to tease Gavin later about his reactions? Was he-

Another jump-scare forced all thoughts out of Gavin’s mind, letting go of Dan’s shirt and instead gripping his hand, curling into his friend’s side and burying his face into Dan’s chest, trying to drown out the screams with his friend’s heartbeat.

“I’ll turn it off,” Dan said, shutting off the movie and the room went quiet. “’M sorry. I forgot how you feel about these movies,” Dan said quietly and Gavin chuckled.

“I thought you’d never forget from when we watched ‘Chucky’ for the first time. I slept in your bed for a week while my parents were away,” Gavin said, remaining where he was while Dan continued running his hand over Gavin’s upper arm, the other stroking his wrist.

“Oh yeah. You kept kicking me in your sleep unless I held you,” Dan said, the playful air in the room suddenly turning a little more serious. Gavin felt Dan shifting a little, letting go of his hand to curl a finger underneath his chin, tilting his head up a little. Gavin opened his mouth to ask what Dan was doing when the ex-soldier just pressed their lips together gently in a barely-there kiss. He pulled away, looking at Gavin, biting his own lip nervously as he waited for his reaction.

Gavin just froze, his heart stopping in his chest and he couldn’t do anything but stare at Dan, eyes widened in surprise and there was far too long a gap between breaths, the silence making that very apparent and, in turn, making Dan worry.

“Gav, can you breathe, please? You’re scaring me,” Dan said with a nervous chuckle and Gavin tried, he honestly tried but nothing happened. He started to look panicked, not helping the situation at all. Dan took Gavin’s face in his hands, forcing him to make eye contact.

“Gavin, you’re gonna pass out if you don’t breathe. Just calm down,” Dan said in a soothing voice and Gavin could feel the panic start to wane, the iron-clad grip on his lungs releasing and allowing him to breathe, at least a little. The feel of Dan’s arm still wrapped around his shoulders, his free hand resting over Gavin’s chest.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t think it’d freak you out so much,” Dan apologised, this sad tone in his voice that made Gavin’s heart break. He wanted to tell Dan he wasn’t rejecting him, that he was perfectly okay with this too but the constrictive feeling in his chest made it nearly impossible to get the words out. Instead, he leant up and pressed his own lips against Dan’s, passionately with a little bit of that panic, this time worrying that Dan would leave.

Dan returned the kiss, a hand on Gavin’s cheek and the arm around his shoulders shifting down to wrap around his waist. He smiled into the kiss, pulling Gavin in a little closer and making Gavin’s heart start racing again. He had to pull away to catch his breath, resting his forehead against Dan’s shoulder while the ex-soldier held him close.

“You alright, B?” Dan asked softly as he moved his hand from Gavin’s cheek to card through his hair. Gavin shook his head.

“I...Dan, I don’t know how to do this,” he whimpered against the other Brit’s shoulder and it took a moment for Dan to realise that Gavin was crying. He pulled Gavin back a little so he could brush away the tears, replacing them with light kisses.

“Do what?” Dan asked while Gavin just hiccupped and cried.

“Feel. I-I don’t know how to feel things. It’s amazing but it hurts and it makes me sick and it’s just too much all the time a-and I don’t know how I could keep going if we fuck this up because I feel so much for you and I don’t want to hurt ag-“ Gavin cut himself off, starting to sob because the emotions running through him were overwhelming.

“Gav, it’s okay,” Dan whispered, kissing Gavin again to try and stop the tears running down his cheeks. “I-I know you’ve always been...shut off. I could always tell you weren’t letting yourself go even in school but it’s okay to feel with me. I’ll never hurt you and I’ll help you learn how to get through this,” Dan reassured, kissing Gavin’s cheeks with every sentence before finally stopping at his lips, staying there for a moment so they barely touched.

“I love you, Gavin,” Dan breathed, kissing Gavin again, trying to convey all of his pent up feelings in one kiss. Gavin started to sob, not because he was sad, he just couldn’t stop. Everything was just so powerful, all of the happiness and the affection he felt for Dan. Being afraid to lose him and hating that he couldn’t show Dan how he felt properly because Dan deserved that. He deserved someone that wasn’t as emotionally stunted as Gavin was.

He deserved someone that knew how to love him properly.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

6/6

As you can see, it’s the final chapter, my darlings. I’m glad for the people that liked it and possibly the people I converted to Danvinism. ‘Cause come on, Danvin. :P And yeah, this chapter’s short as dicks but I couldn’t think of any way to lengthen it.

**_ RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH- _ **

_2 months later_

Gavin still had little problems with his emotions. He could identify them fine but on occasion, they would get sort of overbearing, making him giggle like a lunatic or lock himself in the bathroom and cry. His moments of anger were a little more frightening, waiting until he got home for the release and he would lock himself in the spare room, Dan having moved his things into Gavin’s. Dan wouldn’t see him for at least a couple hours, hearing absolutely nothing from his lover until he unlocked and opened the door, looking exhausted and on the verge of tears.

Then Dan would wrap his arms around him and hold him until he finished crying.

Sometimes it got to the point where it was just too much for Gavin and he would shut down, not moving or speaking for quite a while. The first time it happened, it was at home and he only snapped out of it when Dan started crying, begging him to do something. He blinked and he would immediately come back, panicking when he saw Dan crying.

It happened less and less often until Gavin just stopped doing it and everything became bearable. Being jealous didn’t make him break things or throw up anymore. Being sad didn’t make him sob in locked rooms and the love he felt for Dan didn’t scare him anymore.

It finally hit him one morning while they were lying in bed. It was a Sunday morning, Dan’s head was resting on Gavin’s chest, mumbling something in his sleep and waking up Gavin. The sandy haired Brit looked around blearily before his eyes settled on his lover, feeling the warm, reassuring grip around his waist and the puffs of breath over his skin.

He smiled, reaching a hand up to run through Dan’s hair, chuckling at the smile that made its way onto Dan’s face and the way he tightened his grip just a little more, nuzzling his face into Gavin’s skin. Gavin felt perfectly content there with Dan, this warm feeling settling in his chest and he realised, this feeling was perfect.

It wasn’t too weak to feel, but it wasn’t strong enough to knock him on his ass. It made him smile and want nothing more than to lay there with Dan in bed forever.

“B? Why’d you stop?”

Gavin looked down, seeing Dan’s eyes were still closed and realising that he’d stopped stroking his hair. Gavin starting running his fingers through the short brown hair, making Dan hum pleasantly before drifting back to sleep.

Gavin could get used to this feeling thing.


End file.
